Finally in the middle of everything, i have found some clarity to blog....well i am pretty sure you guys have become accustomed to the irregularity of my blogging, but i guess that is why you love me...right?!!!
In life we all or most go through some trauma...some physical, some psychological and most emotional..Some of the stuff i have been going through is beyond blogging, mybe one day i will put it up because if i have learnt a lot of things from blogging but 2 have always stuck with me:-
1) what ever i think i have been through, someone has been through worse. Trust me on this one. i cannot recall who's blog it is, i think it was the one's with the mummy sundays or another when people opened up about the horrible expereiences they had been forced to go through sexually at such a young age. It was at that point i realised there are people hurting everyday and have moved on, so why cant we all do the same. Yes we are all different but we are all human beings with the same emotional dispositions. We all feel, we all cry, we all break up inside from time to time, but it's how we deal with our demons that make us into that strong person, that better person...
2) There is one thing as Nigerians that have been installed in us by default, which only till these post(s), i had not broken. ''Before i go into these next couple of posts( i am hoping as of the time your reading this, a couple more post hopefully 3, will be up...let's hope)''. I am very very very religious and obviously i am christian. I know it has never been reflected in my post or my blogging perosnality becuase i didnt think it was releveant when i started...
As nigerian children we have always been taught that our parents are always right and they know what is best for us. Both are false. Yes i have said it. It takes a lot to stand up to your parents and to defiy their wishes especially when your under their covering( pocket money, housing, school fees and what not). But it is something we need to more, in order to control our own lives, our own destinies. I am not asking every reader to go into their home and start revolting against thier parents but you need to pick the time when you have to stand up...
Our parents are exactly like us, they make mistakes, they are unsure about decisions they make, they seek guidance from friends and people older. They cry just like us, but they have to put up that strong front in which we children seek comfort and solitary knowing that they have our best interest.Luckily for me i have parents who relate to me not just on a parental level but sligthly deeper. Where we can argue and i can put my foot down and say no, point out their mistakes.
For example: My dad is dressing up to go to church and he sees me in my Pj's, puzzled like you can see my dressing up and your not even running to go and change. I just told him. "Dad i am not going to church with you, what is the point! you take me to your church and i go and sit down without it having no impact on my life, physically or spiritually. You have taught me to go to church for myself, to recieve the blessing of God not to be a church goer." So on that note i am not going to church, i might go to the other one but not the one you are going to. I know a lot of you are saying " what! no in my house i cannot say that, my father will slap me and beat me". Dont get me wrong i didnt say they wont be repercautions for your actions but if what you are standing up for is worth it then you should do it.. I got threatened and money was withheld from me. Yes i had no pocket money for a month and my rent was also not payed. But i payed them with my money and just carried on. That was only because of church, imagine what happened when i refused not come to nigeria for holidays or when i refused not to come for his mothers funeral.
Parents have a way of controlling us because of our fears, they will take away pocket money and other things that we hold dear. Some of you are probably skeptical, parents will not do such. I once had the same thoughts but remember parents are like us, just because they are older doesnt mean that they are not going to behave like a 5 year old. Those of you from homes were parents are seperated will know where i am coming from and does of you that are not, keep praying, because when marriages go bad they can go beyond what you ever imagined.
The illustration of the church was a very basic example, but what happens when it is about
Education- parents make you choose a course or a major, that is not just you. when ur 34, supporting your family and hate your job soo much, is it then ur going to go back to school and do that BSc that you intially wanted to do.
Marriage - they try and make you marry that man or this family. It might not be in the form we know it, but when parents dont take liking to a girl or a guy you want to marry it takes a toll on your decision making, because you have always been brought up wanting validation from your parents.
Work- Some of us are more lucky than others or parents own their own companies which are doing well and then they want us to take over. This one is really bad but there are soo many companies i know that are often run on debt, you have to give credit to their accountants who have turned covering debt into an art form. or they want you to work in this company becuase of certain reason unkown to you at the time.
What i am trying to get at is that dont be afraid to stand up for yourself. Yes there will be consequences, the same way you punish you little brother when he doesnt do what you say, is the same way they will try and punish you but when your resolve is strong then nothing should stop you....
That's the different between those who chase dreams and does who attain their dreams........
10 comments:
Funny how no one commented on this... I agree with you very much so. I am of the thought that we as human beings need to make progress for ourselves!! The only way people make progress is if they think outside the box... for example, choosing course- i know that more or less every naija guy/babe I know is not doing the course for them... Is engineering really for 1/2 the population of Nigeria? and the others are split into Economics/Business and Law?? Well theyve started pushing the boat out with IT sha...lol
But bros- aside from the dowry,(which im still beefing about)...Youve won my heart again! Excellent post which needs to be discussed... Im in the financial sector when i really just wanted to save the world and stop injustice...
OMG...your dad is so much like my own Dad...mehn my dad has said stuff like that so many times and it is true..u have to stand up for yourself but without being rude and all...My dad likes people who can challenge him with valid reasons.... ok now let me continue reading.
tin-tin!!! always a joy to read you!seriously..you speak truth beautifully! i'm a 100% behind you...
take good care xx
p.s- dnt stress bt that post mehn...anytym your ready, im ready...x
Lol...someone getting a bit deep.
In regards to this, I have a looooooooooooong list, so I have decided not to even TRY commenting on this, it will become a post on its own.
Let just say I am an unfortunate or fortunate victim of this, whichever way I and others choose to look at it
Points well made!
Well, i must say, luckily i have parents who reason with us, dont get me wrong, they were quite strict when we were growing, (caned 24 strokes before) also got used to my father promising me a tricyle then bicycle, then car, stuffs and never getting them.. Actually taught me a big lesson on disappointments, nothing ever hits me now, im rarely disappointed.. he was shocked when i spoke about it earlier this year, he was so so shocked and apologetic, but looking back in retrospect, he tried in so many ways to make us happy, and i always appreciate my upbringing, resources were just never enough, his big lesson was PRIORITY.
I tell my parents anything, they know i live with my partner, (not married yet he! he!!) my mum always thought she just happened to be at my flat when they called (every sunday evening) it was my dad who pointed it out to my mum (in the middle of out conversation)
They always allowed free will(but not until they had moulded us while we were kids), we were allowed to study what we wanted, date whoever we wanted, travel where we wanted, but we grew up being able to speak to them about our decisions before actions...my father told us once that he cant stop us from having sex and stuff but we should just have the fear of God, my mum said i shouldnt abort any pregnancy but bring the child home!
Bless them
(sorry, this turned into a blog!)
Fortunately for me, my parents are very much the free will with guidance type.
wow....SO TRUE!!!!!!
p.s: you shud have called me....WUDDA BEEN UR SUGA MAMA! XOXO
Highly insightful.
I wish to be like you when i grow up sha. Me i not only have to go to church with my folks, i also have to sit in the same pew with them (did i hear you ask how old i am?)
When i tried to change course like 2yrs back, u don't want to try to imagine the kind of war that went down. Do u know family meeting!!!
Needless to say i still have the same major.
My only resolve is too work hard and finish, set myself up nice, so i shall not be so answerable to my folks.
I love this post.
very well said. I didn't actually realise this till recently, I had always thought my mum knew what was best for us cuz that what whats she always used to say "trust me i want know whats best for you" As much as I agree that she does want the best for me, She might not neccesarily know how to get it.
She almost made me study law but i did not cave in even my grandfather was pressurizing me to study law as well but instead i chose a business major. Thing is I don't think I chose the right course.
Basically what I'm trying to say is even though parents aren't always right we don't always make the right choices for ourselves either. Even though we also want the best for ourselves we can still make the wrong choices. So some people need parents/ other people in their lives to help them make the right decisions.
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