Firstly i have to apologise to all of you that were enticed by the title of my last post, (ma se binu si mi)..lol, the title was stuck in my head and i couldnt get it out...now i am feeling better and i promise you i will post another episode of "reporting live from bed(the sex edition)"
Everytime i go on a blog, there is always something about, Mr X-boyfriend and Mr rebound guy or even worse the "love triangle". But when ever i am in female presence it is always "that guy does not have game", "he doesnt even know what to say", "he is soo boring", blahh blah blah. Have you ever been in a house of girls when they are abusing guys, they are heartless, correction they are bitches. But i am sad to say that the girls sometimes are right. So i have taken it upon myself to present to you guys "The Girl Chronicles". This is a step by step guide to avoid certain situations, what to say and when to say it, how to play the victim in every situation..
So you're probably saying, what credentials does tin-tin have,?! well below is part of my relationship cv:
Been dating since i was 16, i have dated:-
Miss church ( She will lecture me about being unGodly and then 5 mins she is untop of me)
Miss Independent (x alot)( Work got in the way of our relationship)
Miss Amazing-in-bed (x2)( it became obvious that it wasnt only my bed she was amazing in)
Miss Clingy ( She said if we broke up, she would call me one day, seduce me and have my baby..then i broke up with her that week)
Miss 2 ( She had two boyfriends already, and was complaining i am not treating her right..whatever)
Miss Dont need a man ( Claim she didnt need a man and was independent but has to lie to her sister and mother that she is in the library, when she comes to see me)
Miss FBI(x4) ( Was 100% sure i was cheating..will go through my phone, hotmail, msn.. i wasnt and she cheated)
Miss buy 1 get 1 free (She was always with her sister, even when she comes to mine, she is always with her sister..major turnoff)
Miss Shalamz ( she was a shalamz..end of discussion)
Miss Materialistic (x3)(they are always the prettiest..need i say more).
Miss Unilag
Miss Big Booty
Mrs Right ( I thought she was the one, but she broke my heart)
And my biggest achievement i have even managed to justify cheating and it works( this has only been tested on 3 girls) with a 100% success rate..
Key skills gained;
Damage control- The ability to asses a situation when i have f**ked up and the choosing the best course of action to take..it sounds easy but it is the most difficult skill i have mastered it goes directly hand in hand with critical thinking & communication
Lyrics- every guy has this skill, it is highly necessary and essential ( please be aware there are different levels. )
Critical Thinking & Communication -Have you ever wondered why that guy is a player and he is not even fine, and your asking your self what does he have that i dont....this is it!! this is ability is seriously over looked, most guys dont even know what this is.
Financial programming- There is always the debate of girls being after you for your moneys..it is true to an extent. Because no girl is going to want to date, a guy that cannot afford to treat her.
Premonition - Ability to foresee events and come up with your excuse in time.
General Knowledge - I have amassed knowledge about the female world this ranges from ANTM( for those guys that dont know what i am talking about America's Next Top Model) to Tampons and periods even all the way to hair styles and mascara. This type of knowledge is key as there is no girl that you walk up to, that you cannot strike a conversation with.
When it comes to nigerian girls there are a couple of ground rules which you need to remember,
1)Evey girl feels she is unique, different and nothing like the next girl( in reality they are all the same because they all think they are different).
2)She is human and wants attention.
3) They are girls and have the tendency to act very irrational and emotional over certain situations.
I am going to jump straight into the errors most boys make then i will cover the fundamentals and finally move on to advanced material.
Telling a lie (Difficulty Level: Easy-Lower medium)
Hear me out, a lot of guys are always caught out when lying about some issue. The most common ones are either facebook or phone conversations, this then leads to serious repercussions that inevitably will lead to a lot of damage control, which alot of guys are not capable of doing.
Solution: phone conversation
1)Form a habit of calling every girl you talk to( that you're having something with) "baby". I know this sounds tacky but when infront of Wifey, it takes the heat of you and your free to talk to the girl as you please.
How this works - Calling the girls "baby", gives the girl on the phone some emotional comfort but initially wifey would be suspicious when you call other girls baby and she will try and cross check the names with your past,she definately will not be happy but will have to get over it when she realises that you call about 5-7 girls baby and it will dawn on her that obviously the name does not mean anything. Now that wifey is not bothered about who you call baby, this gives you the freedom to make an excuse to leave her presence whilst on the phone or to have idle chat with the girl on the phone and then dismiss her, without her having girly intuitions that your creeping around. The key to this is never to refer to wife as "Baby", find a pet name for her that is completely different and unique to her( Ground Rule #1). In addition when infront of your babes refer to wifey by her name and pet name( but not in the same conversation) this gives the impression that your not always talking to the same babe, all the time.
2) Text messages- these are often the most incriminating and annoying things to deal with.
Solution: This one is easy...If wifey has 2 numbers, pls save it as 2 different names. i.e.( lola & barbie). This is especially useful if you have one of the following phones : a palm, iphone or blackberry as these phones show ur text messages as a conversation, just like msn , so people can scroll through everything you have ever said to the person and vice versa. Becasue you cannot delete just one conversation, you have to delete all..this can raise suspicion( especially to wifey) who would be like why are all my messages to you missing.
Secondly change setting on your phone, so that it does not save your sent messages as they are the most incriminating and cause the most damage.
3)Facebook - You hate it and you love it...Pls under no circumstance should you give your facebook password to wifey or any girl and never save it on your pc ( i know how tempting it is...stop being lazy and just type it in everyday pls, for your sake!). If wifey confronts you about the whole facebook issue and why she should have your password as a sign of trust, infact i am going to premonition now and tell you how the convo would go.
Wifey: Tin tin, why wont you give me your facebook password?
Me: Errr, why do you want my facebook password, you have your own.
Wifey: dont you trust me?
Wifey: Or is there something your hiding?
She is now going to mumble on about the fact that you are hiding something and you tell her this( Use my exact words)
Me: It is not that i dont trust you, it is far from it, but facebook is personal and facebook is not even the issue. You dont see me going through your facebook or your email or even your bag or phone. Do you think i dont know that other guys might be texting you or sending you fcbk messages... i do, but i dont disturb you about it because i TRUST you and that is what this relationship is based on..TRUST, i trust you and you have to trust me but if you cant trust me then__(insert personal comment).
That has killed the conversation about your facebook password and that conversation cannot come up again.
The way to tell a good lie or excuse, is that you only make one excuse or lie. When you make several excuses..96% your lying. When you have one excuse that your babe(s) or wifey cannot fault, then that is all you need.
Next time i will talk focus on critical thinking and comm and also effect use of lyrics and lies...Ladies please dont feel like i have forgotten you, on the contrary i have effective ways of disposing of guys and i have the perfect excuse to use to use to get rid of that annoying guy that just wont give up and Mr ex lover boy as well...Watch out for "reporting live from bed (Sex edition)"
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