This wasn't my original post for this week but this came up and sorta blew me off course.what would you do?
People come and see oo, you will not imagine what happened to me… The story goes like this on a very cold and rainy tuesday after enduring a long 9am-3pm worth of lecturers handing out this course work and deadlines for this dissertation and that project work, I couldn’t hack the other 3 hours left , so I decided to call it quits and head home early. At this point all i could think about was watching my favourite show.. Power rangers( it brings back the good old days,when the pink ranger was a babe).
I walked into the house and on full blast was the song "anaconda" by mo'hits.. all tired and stressed out i manage to make my way to the kitchen to get a can of 7up whilst putting the necessary ingredients for garri on standby.
As I approached the living room, I saw a reflection of 2 bodies off the tv. Suddenly my mouth went dry and my heart started to race.. Immediately mo kon gbe GSM mi, mo kon te 999( I just picked up my phone, and pressed 999)..because anything can go down from this point on and i dont know who the hell is in my house.. all of a sudden I started to dialogue with myself in my head
Me(The agbero): My guy just burst into the sitting room with the element of surprise and whatever happens happens.
Me(janded guy): Just chill, just chill..it might be daddy tin-tin…
Me(janded guy): Why would it be him, he always calls before he comes in. because he has promised himself that he doesn’t want to see something he is not meant to see..plus I just changed the lock it cannot be him.
Me(Agbero): My friend!! just burst into the room, and grab the first thing you see and hit somebody.
What will I tell mummy tin-tin, if I die?!That I was trying to stop some guys from stealing the tv. She would probably beat me in the coffin and say I am stupid, that don’t I know all the things in the house are material things and can be replaced and I cant.
Me(janded guy): Abi is it scotland yard(police)?, because I havn’t paid those last 3 speeding and parking tickets and they said they were going to refer me to debt collector, Abi is the debt collector?? Sugbon(on the other hand) it can be a thief oo!!, 2 for that matter!
Me( Agbero): Ahn ahn!! is it not your house, the thieves will even be more scared than you gon!
The music just changed from “anaconda” to “died in your arms” (by smitty and rick ross)
I just peched in the corner of the hallway practising what I will say when I finally burst into the room; “hays! you, both of you, stop there!!” Or “Oi what you doing with my stuff?!” Or my third option, I will just open the door for them and let them take my stuff out, because the last time I tried to do hard guy in this kind of situation..won kon fo mi lori( they just broke my head).
As the intro of the song was still playing, I whispered a little prayer under my voice and used that opportunity to quickly open the door unnoticed,whilst holding my phone tighter and tighter. Slowly i peeked my head into the room, you will not believe what I saw…
...Brace yourself…
Because this is by any standards my worst nightmare/ any parents nightmare…my 16 year old step-sister dancing in the sitting room , wearing her boots, skirt( which is too short) and cleavage top which was already half undone, in front of some jerk..I just went back to my position to recompose myself as my heart started to slow down and a smile crept across my face.
I had completely forgotten that my lil sis ‘tom tom’ came home the day before(i am soo used to being at home alone). See this girl o! After being suspended from school for “unruly misconduct” which means in English that they found a boy in her room after lights out hiding in her bed, while she was hiding in the cupboard..i don’t know which one is more stupid..the boy on the bed or her in the wardrobe..She is now here, giving free show to some jerk..today is the day for all the payback(here is the list)
1) cutting my pocket money down; because she was born.
2) For removing all the privileges I received as the last child away from me.
3) Getting me sacked from my last temp job..that is another story on it's own.
I just started looking for the camera function on this daft phone, I am going to catch her red handed..haa!! yes ke!! You are going to suffer in my hands today (evil laugh), I had even broken into a song; this is the day..this is the day..this is the day that the lord has made..
I started hearing whispers, but what I didn’t know was that while I was jubilating and thinking of the best way to maximise the damage, they had gone a step further. I quietly crept in with my phone now in video mode only to my amazement tom tom was on her knees and this boy was leaning back on the couch…this was how the dialogue went
Me: EEHHHNNNN!!!.JESUUUU!! HAA!! TOM TOM!!
They both jumped up, obviously in shock ( the look on their face was priceless)
Me: NOOOO PUT YOUR HEAD BACK THERE, I SAID PUT YOUR HEAD BACK THERE.. STAY THERE!!! DON’T MOVE!!! YOUR DEAD TODAY! MUMMY AND DADDY ARE GOING TO SEE THIS (usually that is the highest form of threat)
The boy starts to button his jeans
Me: what are you doing? Did I tell you to button your jeans.
Boy: nnnoooo,sir!
Me: so is this what you do while I am out, you do oral service, instead of you to go and join the choir...Mummy will hear about this today.
Tom Tom: *sob**sob*..iiii
Me: DON’T USE THAT YOUR MOUTH TO TALK TO ME, look at you! Infact it is a good thing I am recording you..i am going to show this to Muyiwa.
Muyiwa is my older brother and as tomiwa and muyiwa never really got to see eye to eye growing up, she has always been scared of him even more than any of the parents combined together.
At this point it was obvious that tomiwa was willing to take her own life.
Me: (As I jacked the poor boy): Hays! You,.what are you doing in my house..my friend will you gerrout before I count to 10..10,7,4,3,2.
I was even counting backwards..by now I was catching trips with myself, because as I pointed out earlier 'tom tom' is my step sister and I rarely, infact this is the first time I have gotten to do the whole seniority/ elder brother effect in my life.
The poor boy ran out soo fast, he even hit his head on the door and left his shoe in the house…I later went outside to give him his shoe and apologised for jacking him, because let’s be honest he is just a guy doing what guys do.
But let me not continue to rant on about how I gloated and shouted at 'tom tom', I was having way too much fun but obviously after the whole shouting I felt guilty and i dished out the punishment which i felt was adequate, whilst keeping both her suspension and the incident away from the parents.
Punishment
£100 a month was deducted from her pocket money for the next four consecutive months. The money will be returned to her after her GCSE results.
She will enroll in an easter school for revision in london and no nigeria this holiday!
No more exeats for the rest of term, she has exams!!
Very limited clubbing..just one party for this term.
This question goes to all the girls out there, did i really over react to the situation?.. i mean these things happen but i didnt expect it to be my own sis
p.s. she was meant to be sober after being suspended from school!
Let me know your thoughts!!
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