Finally in the middle of everything, i have found some clarity to blog....well i am pretty sure you guys have become accustomed to the irregularity of my blogging, but i guess that is why you love me...right?!!!
In life we all or most go through some trauma...some physical, some psychological and most emotional..Some of the stuff i have been going through is beyond blogging, mybe one day i will put it up because if i have learnt a lot of things from blogging but 2 have always stuck with me:-
1) what ever i think i have been through, someone has been through worse. Trust me on this one. i cannot recall who's blog it is, i think it was the one's with the mummy sundays or another when people opened up about the horrible expereiences they had been forced to go through sexually at such a young age. It was at that point i realised there are people hurting everyday and have moved on, so why cant we all do the same. Yes we are all different but we are all human beings with the same emotional dispositions. We all feel, we all cry, we all break up inside from time to time, but it's how we deal with our demons that make us into that strong person, that better person...
2) There is one thing as Nigerians that have been installed in us by default, which only till these post(s), i had not broken. ''Before i go into these next couple of posts( i am hoping as of the time your reading this, a couple more post hopefully 3, will be up...let's hope)''. I am very very very religious and obviously i am christian. I know it has never been reflected in my post or my blogging perosnality becuase i didnt think it was releveant when i started...
As nigerian children we have always been taught that our parents are always right and they know what is best for us. Both are false. Yes i have said it. It takes a lot to stand up to your parents and to defiy their wishes especially when your under their covering( pocket money, housing, school fees and what not). But it is something we need to more, in order to control our own lives, our own destinies. I am not asking every reader to go into their home and start revolting against thier parents but you need to pick the time when you have to stand up...
Our parents are exactly like us, they make mistakes, they are unsure about decisions they make, they seek guidance from friends and people older. They cry just like us, but they have to put up that strong front in which we children seek comfort and solitary knowing that they have our best interest.Luckily for me i have parents who relate to me not just on a parental level but sligthly deeper. Where we can argue and i can put my foot down and say no, point out their mistakes.
For example: My dad is dressing up to go to church and he sees me in my Pj's, puzzled like you can see my dressing up and your not even running to go and change. I just told him. "Dad i am not going to church with you, what is the point! you take me to your church and i go and sit down without it having no impact on my life, physically or spiritually. You have taught me to go to church for myself, to recieve the blessing of God not to be a church goer." So on that note i am not going to church, i might go to the other one but not the one you are going to. I know a lot of you are saying " what! no in my house i cannot say that, my father will slap me and beat me". Dont get me wrong i didnt say they wont be repercautions for your actions but if what you are standing up for is worth it then you should do it.. I got threatened and money was withheld from me. Yes i had no pocket money for a month and my rent was also not payed. But i payed them with my money and just carried on. That was only because of church, imagine what happened when i refused not come to nigeria for holidays or when i refused not to come for his mothers funeral.
Parents have a way of controlling us because of our fears, they will take away pocket money and other things that we hold dear. Some of you are probably skeptical, parents will not do such. I once had the same thoughts but remember parents are like us, just because they are older doesnt mean that they are not going to behave like a 5 year old. Those of you from homes were parents are seperated will know where i am coming from and does of you that are not, keep praying, because when marriages go bad they can go beyond what you ever imagined.
The illustration of the church was a very basic example, but what happens when it is about
Education- parents make you choose a course or a major, that is not just you. when ur 34, supporting your family and hate your job soo much, is it then ur going to go back to school and do that BSc that you intially wanted to do.
Marriage - they try and make you marry that man or this family. It might not be in the form we know it, but when parents dont take liking to a girl or a guy you want to marry it takes a toll on your decision making, because you have always been brought up wanting validation from your parents.
Work- Some of us are more lucky than others or parents own their own companies which are doing well and then they want us to take over. This one is really bad but there are soo many companies i know that are often run on debt, you have to give credit to their accountants who have turned covering debt into an art form. or they want you to work in this company becuase of certain reason unkown to you at the time.
What i am trying to get at is that dont be afraid to stand up for yourself. Yes there will be consequences, the same way you punish you little brother when he doesnt do what you say, is the same way they will try and punish you but when your resolve is strong then nothing should stop you....
That's the different between those who chase dreams and does who attain their dreams........