If your ex boyfriend ever had something with your mum, would you call him a bastard?!...If so, then let me re-introduce myself...Hello, my name is Tin-Tin and i'm a bastard.
Disclaimer: "Dont Blame me..it was just my swagger"
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Case of the Ex
Earlier this morning i was doing environmental, like i do every friday morning with Joe and usher blasting in the background and wearing nothing but my boxers, who's that looking at my window..no one because i live in a penthouse( You dont know how good it feels to say that, till you can relate to it). Out of the blue i got a text from my ex -Fiona." Hi Tin, it's me if your around please call me i want to speak to you.xx".
The message didnt seem like fiona, i knew something was wrong, she sounded down, typically she would be abusing me and stuff like that. I really contemplated not calling her back because i am now on day 5 of my 40 day no sex program and i wanted to be carefull, dont want to end up in a compromising situation.
I called her back and did a bit of catch up. I decided to go straight to the issue of the conversation, her mum. Apprently Fiona's mum and dad were having a little bit of marital problem..What does this have to do with me...Welcome onboard..This is page 5..Case of the Ex.
Fiona is my ex from college, this was the strangest relationship i have ever had.. We only went out for a week .Chhilllllll!! before you start abusing and criticising my game, it wasnt like those pry/ secondary school relationships. We had been having something on/ off for 4 years, but it was never anything too serious, because i would never commit. Then some oyinbo guy had been bugging her for like a year and in retaliation i had to mark my territory. The only way to do this was to make it official. This was single handedly my biggest rookie mistake.
To cut the long story short, going out with her brought soo much publicity than i was ready to handle, i hate it when people think they can tell me, what is going on in my relationship. So after a week we broke up.
A month later was fiona's birthday,we (me and a couple of friends) drove to her house for a 4 day, chill out/ party/ dinner and that was how i met helen. Helen was beautiful, I can see where fiona got her features from. Blonde, bright blue eyes, mature and a voice that would lead you into a captivating gaze with her eye's..She is a Yummy Mummy. Her dad on the other hand was completely the opposite, think of the word "Astrophysics" that basically sumed up her dad. Dont get me wrong, he was actually an accountant but his physical appearance was by far dated before i was born, he still had his horn rimmed glasses, trousers pulled up to his chest, a croacky laugh after his supposedly funny comments..it was a disaster. How did he ever get to marry her? I am still trying to work it out.
Please note that back then i was younger and wasn't good at picking up tell-tale signs of affection and things of a similar nature. As i was brought up, i was polite as always( momsi had instilled the ways of being a gentleman) and i did things that a nigerian boy with good manners would do. I would tell her she is a mum of 5 and she needed to relax, offered to help cook, i pulled out her chair when she wanted to sit down, did the dishes, made conversation, kept her company in the kitchen( everyone else was watching grease lighting... I would rather be watching tales by moonlight or super story on mnet), occasionally i gave her a back massage..These are things i still do for my own mother but it didnt stop there i'd complement her about her hair and looks( She was very pretty) and i would tell her she looked 28 or 29 (These were things i had been taught to say by momsi), little did i know these were coming off as flirt tactics. I basically made her stop feeling like a just a mother and a wife and made her feel like a beautiful woman, which she was.
The next day, everyone went out for a walk...errr hello, it was raining outside and you want me a black guy after i have rubbed nivea cream all over my body to go and walk aimlessly in the country side with cows and sheep..not happening. So i decided to pass and stayed home,Helen was going shopping, so i opted to follow her and drive( It was fun). Once again it was just me and Helen, we were back in the kitchen talking and me insisting that i would not allow her to lift a finger in the kitchen because she deserved more than just slaving away in the kitchen, all she needed to do was instruct me. Somewhere along the argument, there was bit of hand contact then eyes met and blah blah blah..i had just kissed my ex girlfriends mother...and i didnt feel odd, infact we didnt even stop. We made ourselves more comfortable and i am sure you dont want to know the rest..through out the duration of the stay nothing else happened. Well i did occasionally text her.
Couple of months after came the leavers ball..Ours is quite different to the norm. Our ball was designed by us for our parents, sort of a way to say thank you for everything. As you would expect Helen and her husband were there, wine and other forms of alcohol were flowing in excess. I saw helen outside the marquee and we acknowledged each other, during the course of the night we crossed parts again and i offered to dance with her, she accepted.
Note: I have never gone clubbing with my girlfriends ever before because when i am dancing with a girl, we dance very intimately, every part of our bodies are touching, hands, thighs, even our faces. And with helen it wasnt any different, everything was cool. I whispered in her ears, complementing her bout her dress and how she was the most stunning and i could almost see down her top. you know! that kind of thing. She laughed, giggled, said thank you and kept on dancing. By now eyes were watching because we had been dancing together for a while, everything was cool...till she grabbed my bum..that was when hell broke loose.
Teachers, students, other momsi's who i had charmed, fiona and lastly her dad, were all watching and suddenly a large amount of static built up in the room. Fiona did not hesitate to walk up to me, tell her mum off, pull me out of the marquee and slap me( Which by the way was the highlight of everyone's night). Without any questions i took the slap, apologised and laughed it off. I stayed outside to catch a bit of air, and a couple of a minutes later helen walked over to me, obviously sober. We went for a walk and she started to give me the speech of "how we cannot do this", at the end of the speech we had arrived at the theatre hall, which happened to be very dark. I held helen close to me and started to kiss her and with one swift movement of my left hand, i undid her bra..........( it is a very bad habit i have and i am trying to stop it..i am surprised someone hasnt done me for harrasment..seriously)
Now if karma is real, how does this come back to me?..Does my wife have an affair with my daughter's ex or what!? I have seen karma in action and i swear when it strikes, it is always deals you a worse fate than you originally dealt someone else...
Unfortunately this is not the last mother i had such an encounter with... Have a great weekend, i am not sure if i really want your comments on this one.. apart from slater J.
16 comments:
I just like to point out, i actually was not the reason why they were having problems..sha..so therefore i am not a home wrecker ..thank you..hope this doesnt ruin my already very very slim chances with hengish..lol( i promise i will stop)
ah ah...this guy!!!!!
i will be back 2 comment after i have thot about it more
U honestly do not want me to comment on this after u were unbelievably and unnecessarily rude leaving those silly comments on my blog, I'll spare u :)
@ allyurz - Lol...i was still fasting yesterday and i was a bit edgy, so forgive me..did you see my email
and i actually want your comment..
OMG, you're a very naughty boy. I had so much to say but I won't start to spill it just yet. I have to think about who will get the worse dish of it...you or helen?
omg she only slapped u...she tried o..i wuda burnt ur car,,hahaha lol..sike really tho..how cud u....dont u kno how to control situations..n u were givin advices...i fear u o!
saw ur comment on Anyaposh's blog and made my way down here. Very interesting....
Guyyyyyy,...how now?...Isn't that like child abuse or something? Well, u un-hooked her bra so I guess more like adult abuse...lol. U said it best mayne...Look out for the bitch they call Karma...hahahaha
Ok I'll comment (apology accepted) Tintin has done it again!! lol at least you can say you have hooked up with girlfriend's mother unlike other guys that just fantasize... but still aren't you a naughty naugthy fellow.
The woman should have known better tho so I blame her, falling for someone young enuf to b her son, not cool! and you too, olojukokoro ni e :)
As for your ex, she is funny o. she is still calling you after that scenario with her mumsi...
Hmmm tin-tin! You are not easy at all kia and nawa for your ex's mother!
ashewo 10 kobo!!!!!!
lol..na wa o..player player is too much mehn...u were looking for sugar mummy abi?..lol
were u just testing out ur talent or u just simply had to finish wat u started?
Chief O- thanks for stopping by, i am not going to lie to you , it was a bit of both..
oww gosh i'm scared of u!!!
chiaaaa...mehn ur on a whole different level!!!
lol..u use nivea??? how camp!!!
daym bro...I dont wana say anything that would relate us so that I dont start sounding like am makin things up to sound similar to you buh bro I know the feeling....daymm....
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