This is post is in response to naijababes post "liberated women". Before i do address the post, i want to pick on a comment i saw...
Firstly i would like to say.. i am not picking on the person who wrote this comment, i just wanted to highlight a part of the comment i was reading the comment with someone and their reaction was very different to mine.
"I must say my mother worked & so did my father, n there was alws food on d table n d house was always clean.
Some men just have that type of mentality, n it can be trace back to their home. I must tell u that some women do not mind staying @ home as house wives. I guess such women r made 4 these men.
I do not bliv women r d home makers, instead both the husband n wife make d home. A home cannot b made by only 1 party, it won't b complete."
The bit highlighted in red, incase anyone is colour blind -" Some men just have that type of mentality, n it can be traced back to their home."...There is a tendency in nigeria, when kids do something wrong to blame their parents, which is not called for( because no individual has the right to tell someone else how to raise their own child) but the reasoning at times is logical. But then we also take the extra step in stereotyping something or someone based on very little knowledge or from 'hear say'.
I have often heard this stereotype in nigeria and it is now f***ing annoying. When relatives start doing thier background check and what not. They often ask if the guys or girls parents are still together and if not they are immediately deemed as coming from a broken home with the theory- that if their parents have a broken marriage that the child has a very high probability of getting divorced as he might not take his marriage seriously or see it as the norm..there for he would not be first pick for marriage...what the hell is that meant to mean? marriage is not some kind of generational trend that descends from one generation to the other.. There are countless people who's parents are together, they got married and got divorced, what do you know say about those?
Dont get me wrong, my parents are still together..infact i had this conversation with my mum and she was saying the same thing...i was sooo annoyed at her that i just cut the phone and didnt speak to her for a couple of days.
if we are going to stick with this generational theory then we might as well come to the conclusion that, a lot of men cheat in their marriage (For those who like to believe that their fathers have never cheated, i commend you for having faith)..therefore we their children, will probably cheat in our marriages. Which girl wants to marry someone that will cheat on her and possibly having children outside the marriage...no one..doesnt that mean that all the children who's parent have cheated are unsuitable for marriage, or rather we're not first pick...
What is the problems with people and marriages in nigeria sef....Someone is not married, they will complain go and get married.....the person gets married and does not have a child now, they will now be on top the girls head as if she is a witch that is stealing her husbands sperm (sorry to be graphic)....If she is a single momsi they will be trying to rush her into marriage and yet belittling her behind her back about how she cannot hold a marriage... Why do they act like marriage is such a simple thing like buying a phone or paying a parking ticket. It isnt, i cannot even relate it to anything else in life.
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22 comments:
Truth na im you spik sooooo.
I shall be back
True yarn.
No probs with the graphics ;)
but its true that one's home/family can play a big part in the way things are later. as you have rightly said: jus because someone's parents' marriage ended less than happily, it doesnt mean that theirs will too......its just something to take into consideration, but not to make an entire judgement/decision upon.
Firstly, I should say, I added a note to the 'post' after a lot of people thought I meant women should be allowed to work, period!
I meant that women have a right to say if they want to work or not. There's nothing wrong in a woman opting to be a stay at home wife, all I needed to put across was that I didn't appreciate the way my friend was 'DEMANDING' it, as though its a part of his human rights!
Following that, I think it is wrong to associate a person's parent's history to his. Everyone is an individual of his own, and if he/she has grown up within a particular society, then they should know that some things are not acceptable to them, and thus lead their lives in the aim of avoiding those things. If a child grows up in a single parent home and went through difficulties, then I'm sure that child will want to lead a life that strives towards avoiding a broken home.
The whole marriage thing is either taken too seriously in Nigeria or done plainly cos its the fashion to get married. I cannot even begin to explain the mentality we have about marriages. Its tiring!
Tintin!!!!!!...oya u have been tagged! visit for blog for details!!! :)
now lemme go and read
sometimes i wonder what goes thru ur head..
Do people actually still do this stuff?
yes ooo and you want to know what goes through my head...it isnt hard, just imagine a boy with big head and small body running around a hotel room naked...and then think what can possibly be going through his head...whatever you come up with is probs going on in my head..lol!
(For those who like to believe that their fathers have never cheated, i commend you for having faith)
Meaning? all men cheat? Isnt that like saying all kids with divorced parents are not likely to be able to stay married?
Jus wondering
'ef babe'
I feel you on this one. Marriage isnt a commodity mehn.
@efjay
hes just trying to say in nigeria
a) its very easy for rich old men to pick up fine younger girls
b)most peoples popsi's(all that can afford international fees) fall into this category
c)the probability for a popsi to have cheated is very very high
D)given the empirical proof it is only logical to assume most popsi's would have cheated at least once in the 20+ years they have been married even tho they love thier wives and...*feel free to insert the normal excuses here*
up to me il say 1 in 500 husbands dont cheat in naij
because no matter how poor u are they will always be a poorer(not necessarily pretty) girl u can impress with your relative wealth
im sure u get my drift hence it is not like saying kids from divorced parents cant stay married cause theres no empirical proof to back that assertation up
I see your point. It is unnecessary to burden a child with the mistakes of his/her parents. But, I kind of see where the other side is coming from on this point. Unfortunately for their argument, they don't take the time to consider your point which is that not all children will repeat the sins of their fathers (or mothers).
Anyway, thanks for putting up this post. I enjoyed reading it. Take care and god bless.
mmm tintin don vex!!!! lol
i feel u tho..and yes we need to write a story together...im serious too..
and u berra do what u were tagged with or helse!! lol
You think its only in nigeria...my dear its all over.
"They often ask if the guys or girls parents are still together and if not they are immediately deemed as coming from a broken home with the theory- that if their parents have a broken marriage that the child has a very high probability of getting divorced"....This mentality still stands to this very day...its really really sad and flipping frustating.
Marriage is associated with "achievement". instead of love and family....mehn i have heard this so many times am just tired of the whole thing sef!!
Good post...
HAHAHHHHHAHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!
U KNU WOT THIS JUST REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN SEC SCOOL....i too am sick and f***ing tired of people making excuses for their behaviour..linking it back as though it were generational curses! I WUD THINK THAT IF U'VE HAD FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE ON WOT IT FEELS LIKE FOR THE KIDS WHOSE PARENTS GET DIVORCED...I WUD THINK U WUD GROW UP..NEVER WANTING THAT TO HAPPEN TO UR KIDS..THUS DOING EVERYTHING IN UR POWER TO KEEP UR FAMILY TOGETHER..instead am hearing crap like.."well ma parents were divorced ..so i grew up not really knowing the value of family" pls ..pls...pls....UR PARENTS ARE NOT YOU....STEP UP TO UR RESPONSIBILTIES.....AND STOP FALLING BACK ON STATISTICS!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!1
P.S: XOXO
@ JARRAI: YOUR RIGHT...MARRIAGE IS NOW EQUATED TO ACHIEVEMENT AS SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND FAMILY..UR RIGHT.....now a days people dnt even marry for love anymore...ITS TO SHUT THE WHOLE VILLAGE UP..HEHE..okay that was exaggeation...lol
its always good hearin things from diff perspectives...u hit the nail on the head..
I actually broke up with some guy who had introduced a chic in his office to one of his guys who wanted to meet a decent girl for marriage…I only heard his part of the conversation…He kept saying “Haba my guy, you know I have your back, I would never have introduced you to her if I knew she was from a broken home”. To say I was disappointed is an understatement..I have relatives from broken homes…was that how he intended to talk to them???
Parents can be the greatest influence on a child-whether positively or negatively, and I think that is where the commenter is coming from.
however, the child decides whether to be influenced in such ways.
there are some things I see in my dad and go "I want a man like this" and there are some other things that make me think "I dont want a man like this".
capish?
My dear,i am so feelin you!
My beau parents split and his papa went on to marry anoda woman and they have been togeda for over 30years,do u know my mum said "Ah,he's from a broken marriage oh",am like wot d heck????
Asides me knowing for a fact dat he's really scared of his marriage not working(his mum and dad both married 2ice),its even easier to think people from "broken homes" will work harder at their marriage working cos d truth is its cheaper living togeda even if u are live-in lovers:)
Dont bite my head off for this....
I do agree and feel your points, bit i must say now that really and truly, its rare to find a guy/girl from a broken home who's not affected in a way...this is cos of what they've had to deal with due to their parents separation...your mum is right...to an extent..
i have dated a few girls with divorced parents and the biggest issue has been insecurity/trust amongst a few other issues especially ones who had bad fathers (fathers are always to blame)they just don't trust men! Im not laying blame or whatsoever, just expressing my opinion.. i am with someone whose parents are separated and even though she says she's not affected in any way, i pointed out a few things to her and we are dealing with that...(and its hard sometimes i must confess)
Actually, enigma..i see where your coming from. The fathers are always too blame part sorta hit me and i can see how it could affect a lot of girls.. as we all know there are a large number of things fathers can do to their wives and family during a seperation..some fuelled out of anger, hate and spite. Others driven by second wives or mistressed...
But from a guy's point of view, which made me actually think about this post in the first place... they cannot say because son see's, the son will do...i just think it is very wrong...In this situation when comparing a girl and a guy from a broken home, in fairness they cannot be judged together as it is very likely that the girl has been affected much worse than the guy...
Another point is surely the reflection that the child has of the divorce or seperation of their parents, surely is determined by the amount of "home training" prior to the seperation and the ability to tell wrong from right.. for instance, if the child was a boy, and had seen his father hit his mother..Obviously he would be terrorised but if the mother never takes the child aside and explains that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstance, then he would deem it as a normal thing....
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