Remeber that guy..The one with the soft brown eyes...The dark chocolate...with the perfect smile, that could make you lick every inch of him, Every inch of his muscles are well defined and structured by God himself..He is not lacking in anyway, shape or form..If he was a god he would be Zeus..
Patiently you have been waiting, waiting for a day when fate would turn your way and smile down on you. The day when you would make your way to his house at about 2 am. Today your gonna try your luck, everything has been working for you today, why not this...Why not him!?
You pick up the phone, scroll thorugh the contacts. you stop at his name.
{ your lips quiver as your mouth begins to dry out}
It's ringing!!
{A pain surges through your chest, as your heart begins to beat frantically}
"Hello" as he picks up the phone using his soft bedroom voice.
what are you going to say? what excuse could you possibly have for calling him at 2 in the morning and trying to invite yourself to his house...you cannot control these feelings you have for him and you know he has a girlfriend..but do you care.... no!! because you are going to do you and what makes you happy..
Your nervous and you drop the phone.
{Hopefully he wont know it was me, shit! caller id...maybe he would think it was a mistake}
Have you ever been in this situation or something similar......well tin-tin has come up with the solution..it is simple quite really just tell him
" Hi, my gas cooker has blown and my fire alarm keeps going off... I think gas is leaking, can i stay at yours"........did you ever think of that....no!!!
If a guy gives half a damn about you or your personal wellbeing he cannot say NO! actually let me rephrase that if he gives a damn about your life then me might be inclined to invite you to his house unless he currently or about to get some that night from someone else.
So i got this text at about 2am.. Frantically afraid for someone's life i called and i said {IN PASSING} if you smell gas and you think it is a bit too dangerous, feel free to come over to mine..{IT WAS SAID IN PASSING}...i really did not mean it...
but looow and behold at 3.15am i got a phone call " i am outside".... This babe must be joking, i am doing revision anyways nothing spoil...
As i went downstairs to welcome her, i saw to see 3 babes and 3 guys.. forget the guys!!! but 2 of those babes were potential...(you know what i mean!!) and as they saw her stroll into the compound at that time, all my chances flew straight out the window..
As a gentleman i offered my bed, while i slept on the sofa in the living room and as per normal procedure i called "baby" and gave her a minute by minute update of what was going on....( i communicate!!). obviously she was unhappy with that, i mean who will be comfortable with a babe coming to sleep at her guys house at past 3 in the morning...
Emi ti ro pe, this was a one night thing{ i thought this was a one night thing }...The next day and 10 sambuca's later, i was back home after a nite out. A text message came in on my phone. " I am on my way home, are you at home?"...I began to wonder!. did this babe just call my house, my pad, the cockpit, the slaughter home or whatever name it had been given in the past, her own home. Once again, i recieved a call " i am outside". Mo gbe!!.....
Your nervous and you drop the phone.
{Hopefully he wont know it was me, shit! caller id...maybe he would think it was a mistake}
Have you ever been in this situation or something similar......well tin-tin has come up with the solution..it is simple quite really just tell him
" Hi, my gas cooker has blown and my fire alarm keeps going off... I think gas is leaking, can i stay at yours"........did you ever think of that....no!!!
If a guy gives half a damn about you or your personal wellbeing he cannot say NO! actually let me rephrase that if he gives a damn about your life then me might be inclined to invite you to his house unless he currently or about to get some that night from someone else.
So i got this text at about 2am.. Frantically afraid for someone's life i called and i said {IN PASSING} if you smell gas and you think it is a bit too dangerous, feel free to come over to mine..{IT WAS SAID IN PASSING}...i really did not mean it...
but looow and behold at 3.15am i got a phone call " i am outside".... This babe must be joking, i am doing revision anyways nothing spoil...
As i went downstairs to welcome her, i saw to see 3 babes and 3 guys.. forget the guys!!! but 2 of those babes were potential...(you know what i mean!!) and as they saw her stroll into the compound at that time, all my chances flew straight out the window..
As a gentleman i offered my bed, while i slept on the sofa in the living room and as per normal procedure i called "baby" and gave her a minute by minute update of what was going on....( i communicate!!). obviously she was unhappy with that, i mean who will be comfortable with a babe coming to sleep at her guys house at past 3 in the morning...
Emi ti ro pe, this was a one night thing{ i thought this was a one night thing }...The next day and 10 sambuca's later, i was back home after a nite out. A text message came in on my phone. " I am on my way home, are you at home?"...I began to wonder!. did this babe just call my house, my pad, the cockpit, the slaughter home or whatever name it had been given in the past, her own home. Once again, i recieved a call " i am outside". Mo gbe!!.....
Let me clarify something to the inquisitive minds out there.....1)I was not having something with this babe..2) the babe looks {in my eyes is comparable to a mosquito}, which is why i had no problems with her sleeping over in the first place...no matter how much was sexualy fustrated it wasnt going to happen. As the babe went to the room and changed only to come back to the sitting room where her nighty...This wasnt normal pyjamas my people...very low cut, thight, body hugging..did i mention low cut!!! it was cut lowwwwwwwww...lowwwwwww!!!!!!!. But i swear i had seen this once in nija film, guy half drunk , babe on a mission sent from the spirit of the tree...lol!!...but because this babe is in no way appealing to me, i dont give a damn...if she likes, she can do a flipping rain dance in my living room, naked! i would rather watch the BBC Parliment channel or read the bible..none of which i have done this year...i know i am a bad christian.
To put an end to all these ideas in her head...i took escape route 1.( i will publish Escape Routes..under girl chronicles, very very very soon) which was start talking about one of her friends. I even went as far as saying i think her friend is hot, as in i want her friend, she should even call her now( i know i am pushing it but i had to get the message to her that i wasnt feeling her that way at all).. through out this conversation this babe never mentioned "WHAT ABOUT YOUR BABE?" NOT ONCE.
Guess what now happened, it turned out that friend was making noise about was her sister, you would think that would make her stand down, right!!! But i was wrong, our babe deduced the fact that since i liked her sister and i thought her sister was hot. since they happen to be twins and identical twins at that, i must also think she is hot! AAAAAAHHHHHHH !!!!
Firstly i didnt even know they were sisters not to talk about identical twins, even that her twin story i am very skeptical about it...but they look nothing alike. and who draws that kinda of long winded conclusion.............. Omo!!, It seems like route 1 is not working,..this babe is obviously on a mission..
Time to commence route 3( i skipped 2, when i saw the seriousness of this case).. I picked up the phone and called baby, i communicate...for once i wish i didnt because that conversation was different.. She started giving me girl intution, i knew i was finished. i was there trying to defend myself...i felt like a criminal lawyer defending a case...infact i was under susch serious fire that i couldnt even blog or say anything to anyone. But because baby was giving me an earfull for soo long, the other babe got bored and just free'd me. Once i dropped the phone, this babe came back into the living room and sat beside me and loosely placed her hand on my hand.{ i even made a memo to my self to get locks for that door}. I iniciated route 4...i started acting stresssed..that was my biggest mistake, she started to move closer in order to console me in this her ashewo pyjamas..
I had to put a stop to this...i used my ultimate weapon..as a gentleman this weapon must be used once and as a last resort when all tactics in your arsenal has failed.....this weapon also comes in different versions, but i had to use the most powerful version....THE SILENT MESS!...you know that one, quiet but with the pungent smell of rotten egg and milk with a bit of efo riro.. before i coud say jack robinson, the babes face started to change..me i was just acting like i no know wetin happen..after like 5 seconds, this babe was trying to chest it, na so i come release part 2...This one, it remained small, i would have poo'd on myself. But the babe could not take it anymore and retreated back to the room. By the time she came out again, i was pretending to be fast asleep. ..
The things i have to do, to keep my dignity.....and dont bother asking me what would have happened if the babe was bunz.... i dont know, probs wont have let her come to my house in the first place..
would post some random musings later....
34 comments:
I deserve to be first! ah ah..after all my stalking..
haha..is any of this fictionalised?hmmm..it IS funny tho..
ur lucky i finish my exams soon..so no more stalking!!wen i dont have to study anymore,the internet loses its appeal!
why would this girl call YOU..in d middle of the nite? it doesnt evn seem like ur particularly good friends??..+she should have heard of british gas nau! haba..a whole boiler breakdown??!
second!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been stalkin since last nite....flabby postin 2ce counts as one jo...okay let me go back and read
tin-tin!!!! ur a TRIP!!
'The silent mess' LOL, nicely handled.
we can give this babe the benefit of the doubt.Maybe her boiler was well and truly broken and she just happened to be horny when she came over to yours.
But if you are undoubtedly sure it was just a story she made up to try & do a supposedly fine guy like you then unfortunately, she belongs to the growing League of extremely desperate babes.
flabby - nope, this is 100% the truth but after reading it now, i feel like i should take it down minus the fact that it deeply indicated who i am, it is not necessairly fair on the babe and i am a nice guy, so i am not sure for now..
it happened on a saturday nite, so she called her agency but no answer and monday was a bank holiday so no one was around.
@ flabby and FF - you guys never fail to amaze me on how quickly you guys respond to my post, i should find some kind of award or give you guys some recognition.
Minky - i expected you to be first oo, i finally sent you a mail...very quick one, you know i still have to front and yadi yadi yah!
Funny thing is that i did go and check, she was telling the truth and i did not say i am a fine guy, personally i would not go out with myself , if i was a girl..but that is just me.
Hmm modesty...I like,lol.
check your inbox.
lol@ur evasion techniques...this reminds me of a similar situatioln i was in last year...i'll have to blog about it i guess.
first time here and i thoroughly enjoyed the post my man.
'home'.....hahahaha thats funny mehn...LOL
TINTIN...the ladies man...she didnt find anywhere to sleep, it had to be your pad? LOL....and she called it home? She must have finished an eighth before calling...thats the only explanations I have.
haaaaaaaaaa..i have to come back and read this in the morning!!!
my eyes sting!!
lurvff u baby!!!
*covers nose*
What a mess...literally speaking...hehehe.
Na wa o...girls of nowadays ehn and thier sensual seduction.
Power to you bruv on the 'communicating' tip...thats a very bonz characteristic that most males lack. Keep it up. 8/10
if ur going to take it down..take it down before the whole world reads it nau!lol..the thing is i can imagine the other side of the story..'mehn..i called the guy and he actually told me to come and stay..hmm..im chilling with him till they fix it jore...mehn..the guy was scoping me in the nightie..as in that thing was tew mahd!!..if he dint fart that night mehn..something wouldhave gone down..he thought i was hot'..gorra love girls mehn!
Blackberry - can you imagine ooo, that is probably her own version of the story oo, anyway the moral of this story is dont say anything you dont mean but i was still breathless that she thought i thought she was hot..
on another note, after heavy investigation, i found out who you are, but you know as always i wont say....just like you to know we went to the same secondary school..i know your uni ( i will not say but ) and the first letter of your name and surname are the same.......beg for mercy....muuuaahhhhhaaaa {evil laugh}...the end. oh and have you guys finished exams yet?
naija babe- as in, an eight? noooo, it wasnt that...this was mami water spirit that can cause some one to call my own house , their home...hissss!! but that her sister is fine ooo, dammmnnnn!!!
ms pearse - i do the best i can , i am only trying to be the type of guy, you can love and take home and your parents would be proud to accept...lol!!
hahaha... spirit of the tree!!! They really sent that one to you! Kai...babe wasn't even aggressive with you, you should thank your stars hun. She didn't try to straddle you and then proceed to grab your crotch. You were lucky. atleast mosquito babe get decency.
I've heard worse stories from my guy friends. I heard of one chic who came over practically naked and from nowhere jumped the guy (as in jumped into straddle position) and started doing the dutty-wine on top bros...
anya - let her come and stradle me first, I am the kind of guy that will just lie there and give her that what the hell are you doing look and not say anything...eventually she will just dismount me and go home
Lol, you don't know what an eighth is? Even I know that, and I'm a girl.
Speaking of finding out who someone is...I know who Tin tin is...not that is a big deal anyway! Haha
I meant tintin girl by the way...ur heart skipped a beat isnt it? I'm coming for u next...haha
.....LMAO...........silent mess....
next tyme just dont answer ur door.....cos i think home girl really didnt want ur ass.........almost any thing can be made hard u know.......*wink*......ask anyposh's guy friends........
ha!! Tin tin..we have to talk!!lol..im finishing tomorrow!! but we have to talk sha...lol
lol...
Tininu!!!! you are such a dodo.....
But you can't beat me at my own game...lol! Inbox.
TININU!!!!!!! THUNDER FIRE YOUR NYASH!!!! IF YOU WANTED ME TO LEAVE SO BADLY ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY!!!!!!!! AM SO HURT RIGHT NOW...SO U THOUGHT I WILL NOT FIND OUT EHN???
P.S:- OH I FORGET AM NO LONGER AN ANNONYMOUS BLOGER....but dnt lie..for a min u were scared abi?
Tin-Tin, your a trip for real!LOL
PS: Thanks for that hug you gave me. I gave you a really big one right back:-)
Eeew talk about having no shame - on the girl's part - Lol to your attempts to get her to leave - Seriously was laughing like some idiot.. Lol!
so..is this 'i know who u are..and u will neva find out who i am?'..cos im not as interested in how u found out as in who u are..altho im still a bit curious sha..and ps-u dont evn read my blog..so i doubt it was 'heavy investigation'..lol
lol!! id fart too -ashewo pj's??is that what her mama and papa sent her do the UK for? hmm!! very detty girl!! The worst mess is the one where it sounds like grenade or silncer (we have names for the sounds of the mess)... WMD is the worst but usually its a mack 10 or an ak47 or a 9 mm which is the smalll one- kai- i even need to fart now...
lol ur such a joker..:)
MR.T!!!!!!!!! LOL..DUDE UR FUNNY U KNU!!!!!!!!!!! HOLD UP !!!!!!!!! WHICH OF DE 2 IS VEXING U....
1. THAT I MIGHT PUT U OUT OF BUSINESS WIV MA DAILY POST..OR
2. THAT I ACT LIKE AM TOO HARD TO GET....PLAY MIND GAMES WIV MEN....AND THINK AM D NAIJA VERSION OF CARRIE BRADSHAW???????
I DINT QUITE UNDERSTAND WHAT UR OFFER WAS FOR....IS IT £125 BET?? THAT U CAN GET ME EASILY IN REAL LIFE..OR WOT???
Mr.Tin-Tin....i dont think u have followed my story quite well..because if u did....u wud have realised that in the beginning i was a a supportive..loving....understanding girlfriend of a man for 4 good years....and he ended up cheating....his chick on d side calling me to tell me isnt exactly a pleasant way to find out....
this story started in ma second year of a-levels...i obviously was younger then than i am now....I UNDERSTAND THAT MY DECISION TO PLAY THE FIELD A BIT..WAS NOT THE SMARTEST OF CHOICES....BUT HEY...MS.COCOA DID WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO.....YES I PLAYED MIND GAMES....BUT I CANT APOLOGISE FOR THAT....becos the men played mind games too..its inevitable beybey!!!!!
yes i do still think am hard to get..thats not being stush....its simply knowing my worth..and believing i deserve the best of men.....am the price he has to work for..he's the price i have to work for too.....
i just got home..am gonna go to bed...we'll solve this in the morning..
p.s:- its great that u r able to voice ur own opinion(and no am not tryna patronise u).....i respect that...i dnt have to agree wiv it tho....xoxo
IN FACT...I MUST FETCH U OUT THIS SUMMA...U TOO GET MOUTH SEF!!!!!!!! RUBBISH!!!!!!LOL....AM SURE IF U WERE FACE TO FACE WIV MS.COCOA..ALL THESE WORDS WONT ESCAPE UR MOUTH...IT EVEN ONLY JUST CLICKED....
u will wager me with £125 in front of everyone" INSULT!!!!!!!!!!KMT!!!
AS I HIT BED NOW..I WILL THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT THIS.....i hope u dnt end up regretting proposing a wager......xoxo
lol @ babe on a mission sent from the spirit of the tree
if a guy agrees to house u at 3am, it means one thing: BOOTY CALL!!
i guess u didnt get the memo!
tininu y now????? the silent mess??? God of mercy. LMAO @ d gurl being a mosquito. tininu y???
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