The Adventure continues..

Disclaimer: please bear with me and my writing today, I am writing this from bed and have the flu and sore throat..

Hey people what’s good? I was gonna post the whole happy easter uplifting message thing but I completely forgot.. I spent Easter Sunday with my aunt and it was a bit interesting, my aunt got married not too long ago (under a year) and this was the first time I was meeting her husband or spending time with her on a festive period. And always the ice breaker was to pick on me and bring back old stories but before I get into them, I am going to give you the low down on aunty dara, she is my favourite aunt so she deserves it…

When we were younger aunty dara was the aunt that would buy us Nintendo games and then beat us at them ( no joke till now, she still beats me on Mario kart), she was the aunt that when I was at the gate of 11.45 or planet 44 (or whatever it is called) and i couldn't get in, she would call the owner who would personally come and get me in and on some days we actually went clubbing together. But as everyone grew older things changed, we rarely got to see aunty dara.

The summer of 04 aunty dara was pregnant and we were all like isho..she has no boyfriend not to talk of fiancé…but aunty dara’s reasoning was “ well I am now in my very late 30’s and honestly I don't see myself getting married anytime soon, I might as well have the baby, before I get married some years later and cant give birth to children”…which was fair enough, the woman had a point but she then proceded to give me and aunty Margaret( who I had my eyes on) some detail about the whole conception of the baby and I threw up, literally I threw up infront of her( what kind of rubbish is that!!!).

As part of her preparations for the whole baby thing, she moved her office back home and when she was slightly moody because of the pregnancy, she would call one of her staff that had done something wrong in the past and start swearing at them, she claimed it was good for the baby. Four days before the baby was due you would not believe that aunty and all her friends( + me) were out at siapan and bacchus having drinks.. I know what your thinking, is she mad?!!!...yes!! I think she is!!...aunty had actually planned out how she was gonna go clubbing, go to a site the next day , rest the day before the planed birth and smoke every last packet of Marlboro before she had to go to the hospital.

The very next day, I was on my break from work so I decided to do a drive-by aunty’s house in ikoyi and as planned she was in bed smoking her Marlboro’s and trying to get her Internet working. We started having the same conversation we have every day;

Aunty Dara: “ Tin-tin we need to a wife for you, actually no!!! a girlfriend before your momsi comes and starts causing wahala”

Me: “Okay! Here are my specifications: either my height or a lot shorter, I prefer cute over pretty.. if possible schooled abroad, if you can get mixed race I am down or light skinned, then you can count me in..but not too much brain touch.”

Aunty picks her phone and starts dialling.

Aunty Dara: “ Mary I have a business for you….You know my nephew.. Brother Tin-tin’s son, he is here and I am looking for a girlfriend for him, where are all those your nieces or do you have any babe that are of these specifications( she begins to list them out)”

I am there thinking haaaa!! Mo ti da ran..

Just act cool, act cool.

Aunty Dara: “Oh! Your coming here, okay don't worry he will be here when you come, sha get your ass down here, don't take to long he has work to go to ooo!!”.

Start panicking, start panicking, before the bring a wowo babe come this house..i could just imagine the babe with one very serious h factor and a yeye gap tooth smile.

As all this was going on, that is how aunty’s water broke..gen gen!! At this point I would like to point out that me, I have no mid-wifeing experience, neither am I a training nurse..all of a sudden aunty started to yell..In confusion, me too I started to yell.

Me: “Basira!! Basira!!!!! Aunty needs you oo! Come quick.”

Five minutes later basira burst into the room.

Basira: “ Ahh mummy, mummy, mummy!!”

Me: “My friend will you stop calling mummy and do something”

Aunty: “ The baby is coming, Tin-tin the baby is coming ooooo. I need to get to the hospital”

Me: “ didn't you hear her! go and get the driver.”

Aunty was now grabbing my hand and squeezing it sooo tight that blood circulation to my hand was being cut off.

Me: “Aunty breathe, just breathe”. At least I knew that part, I had seen it on scrubs before.

As the panic escalated and I began to shout at everyone , while aunty was screaming. I began to feel very hot like the temprature in the room had just been jacked up by some 20 odd degrees followed immediately by a cold flush and a banging headache, I just closed my eyes…..

…………………….THAT WAS IT…………………………..

I had just fainted. Yes all you girls out there, you heard me. My aunt was in labour at home, the driver was no where to be found and I did what any man would do…I fainted(it doesn't make me any less of a man). But from the story when it was retold to me by the house girl who had broken down in tears as she did not know what to do, whether to attend to me or to my aunt. Apparently I woke up like everything was okay and I casually drove my aunt to the hospital.

It was a bouncing baby girl called lollipop(Lola)...and she can shako at her young age!

After this life changing event I promised my self that when my wife is pregnant , I would execute one of the following plans:-

A) Fly out of the country about a month before and call her everyday
B) Send her to a foreign country under the guise that she needs to relax and let the baby have a different passport, that sorta thing.
C) Be out of the country on some very serious important last minute business trip that would make or break or finances and attend the birth of my child via video msn or skype.
D) Leave my wife with my mumsi, who would probably piss her off and give her stories about how she was when she was pregnant with me. Nothing can piss a wife more than a nagging, know-it-all , mother in law.

I think I will go with plan C or D..it seems the most believable and practical… This is Tin-tin reporting from my bed in London, hope you had nice easter….

hopefully i will throw in my 2nd post this week...blogger has been messing guys up!